tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
