My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
