You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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