Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Can I color on your dick again?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
