well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
