I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
