He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
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