Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
