think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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