i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
