Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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