i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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