When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
