I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I think my fart just growled at me.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
