Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
