It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Randomize
