i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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