How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
