I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
