i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
