someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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