I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
