who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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