I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
