So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
