My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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