Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
