I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
