I skipped work to stalk him.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
