im drinking this country out of the recession.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
