we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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