I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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