my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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