I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
