Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
