allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
