You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
