He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
