Already got asked if we're dating
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
