I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
