Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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