the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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