the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
In America we eat man semen.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
