My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
