Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
