dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
