I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
