I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
