Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
