fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
