I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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