Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Someone shit on the floor
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
