I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
