i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
