Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
