She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
