She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
