I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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