I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize