Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
