He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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