He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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