I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
