I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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