Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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