Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
