I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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