You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
