Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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