Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize