Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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