So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
