Have you finally orgasmed yet?
she peed on how many people?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
