my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
