i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
