I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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