I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I need a beard to bite.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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