official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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