took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
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