i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
