Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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