Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
