Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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