Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
