I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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