apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
