Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
