he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
