Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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