call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
