HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
