I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
