3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
