once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
