are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
