At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
