just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
