11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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