I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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