I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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