Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
