You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
