Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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