she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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